The sad case of the Alex Jurado scandal has made headlines throughout the Catholic internet. Whenever there is a scandal in the church, there is often much to be done in the aftermath.
Like Alex, I worship in the Byzantine Catholic Church, and the pastor of that church, Fr. Thomas Loya, has told us over and over again that the Catholic faith is about the way that God wants us to live and also how he wants us to see. To see God always present with us and to see all things as able to bring us into relationship with God is what he calls the “sacramental liturgical worldview.”
In light of this, and in light of the teachings of Christ and the Church, how should we approach the modern communication method of text messaging and online messaging?
The Good and the Bad
First, the ability to send and receive text messages and direct messages on social media can be a great gift, and we ought to recognize the good parts of it. We can quickly exchange simple information or ask and answer simple questions. Also, some people benefit from the ability to express their thoughts in written form, and it is a gift that such conversations can take place more quickly now than when it was more common to write letters.
However, there are downsides. Receiving a text message activates a hit of dopamine in the recipient, which should make it no surprise that a generation of young people is being raised that seems to prefer digital communication to in-person communication. Texting misses those essential non-verbal aspects of communication that can make all the difference in a conversation, such as tone and body language. Further, the written word can be subject to misinterpretation, even deliberate misinterpretation, and once texts are sent, they do not go away, even if they can be deleted from your phone.
In all this, some guidelines can help us as disciples of Christ to engage in the communication of texting. The thoughts that follow are not meant to be comprehensive, but they are a start.
Some Guidelines
Here are two teachings of Jesus that ought to lay the groundwork.
In Matthew 12:36-37, Jesus said, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
It seems obvious, but this applies not just to the spoken word. In fact, our written words are almost always more deliberate than our spoken words, so we will be held even more strictly accountable for what we put into writing.
In Luke 12:2-3, Jesus says that “there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. Therefore, whatever you have said in the darkness will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed on the housetops.”
God sees what you send, so text in such a way that you would be perfectly okay with it if the recipient decided to take screen shots and post them on social media. Do not send in writing anything you would not be okay with the world seeing.
Does that mean couples should not send flirty, even verbally descriptive texts to each other that are more fitting to stay private? Of course not! It means that flirting with your spouse is not shameful. If flirty texts between a validly married couple were posted online somehow, that would not be a scandal—in fact, it would be an example for other married couples to follow, provided the conversation were not otherwise immoral or about doing something immoral.
For those couples who are engaged or still dating, there is also freedom to send flirtatious messages to each other, but in a way that is appropriate to their state in life, although married couples certainly have greater freedom in this regard.
Another guideline, recommended by the mental health expert John Delony, for any readers who work with young people (such as a youth minister, a coach, or a catechist) is that adults should not text minors. If, for whatever reason, a minor must be reached via text message, then text the parents, or make sure that the text sent to the young person is also sent to the parents in the same thread. Even when the content of the messages is perfectly fine, you cannot go wrong in having added protection for yourself.
Sexting—Theological Considerations
Sexting can be defined as “sending nude or otherwise provocative images of yourself online or through your cellphone.”
Even between consenting adults, there are a number of problems with sexting, from a moral perspective and a practical one. If any material depicting sexual acts is sent over text message, that is pornography. If nude or otherwise provocative images or material is sent over text, that is being done for the sake of enjoying the images and is therefore an act of lust.
To commit a sin of lust is not just to use another person, but also intentionally to provoke another person to look at you with lust. Another way to put this is that, in sexting, both the person sending the material and the recipient who uses the material lustfully are sinning.
When the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines pornography as “the removal of real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners in order to display them to third parties,” there is an expectation that privacy surround the sexual act and the naked bodies of the married spouses. The purpose of sexual attraction is to inspire a man and a woman to get married and engage in the marital act to deepen their bond and reproduce. The naked body is simply not meant to be experienced as mediated through a photo because it is not meant to be objectified or a source of pleasure for anyone other than a spouse.
When sexual acts or the naked body is recorded by video or photo—even in the hypothetical scenario where married spouses intend no one else to see such footage—there is an objectively increased risk that such material can be displayed to third parties because it now has been recorded on a device. For this reason, in my humble opinion, it cannot be recommended even for married couples to take and send explicit photos or videos to each other.
I make all of these points to comment on the theological reality of the proper context for sexual arousal and intimacy, in the context of consenting adults.
Practical Problems Regarding Sexting
First of all, the distinction between the “theological considerations” and “practical problems” of sexting does not imply that the practical problems do not in themselves have a moral weight. They do.
The distinction serves two purposes. The first is to make the distinction that there are good reasons not to sext that are rooted in Catholic teaching and others that are outside of it in other sources, such as the law. The second is to establish that even if, for whatever reason, society changed in such a way that sexting became a common behavior among teens and adults alike (which, according to this thorough article by Luke Gilkerson on the Covenant Eyes blog about sexting, thankfully appears not to be the case), our Catholic faith helps us see that it is still an immoral behavior.
Besides the theological considerations that I gave above, sexting should be avoided for many practical reasons. First, in many states, sexting minors has criminal implications for minors. Following the commission of this crime in some states, the persons involved, even as minors, may have to register as sex offenders.
Second, once a picture is sent—perhaps even once it is taken—it is out of your control. Such pictures have been shared without the consent of the sender, and there are several documented instances of this among high school couples. Danah Boyd, senior researcher at Microsoft Research, says that in nearly every school she visits, she hears the same types of stories of sexting gone awry.
Formula #1: Boy and girl are dating, images are shared. Boy and girl break up. Spurned lover shames the other by spreading images. Formula #2: Girl really likes boy, sends him sexy images. He responds by sharing them, shaming her.
In one instance I came across, the girl ended up taking her own life.
Those photos getting shared can have a devastating impact on a person’s reputation as well as a person’s standing with the law. These are just a few practical reasons why sexting is to be avoided all the time, but especially among minors.
Final Thoughts
Pope St. John Paul II said that the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of a person, but that it shows too little. The same can be said for every single “sext message” that has ever been sent.
A far more productive “revealing” would be to speak the truth with someone trustworthy about your complex feelings and experiences. Whether you are a teenage girl tempted to sext a boy because you desire his love, or a married couple looking for ways to “spice things up” in your marriage, or an adult tempted to cross the line with a minor, sharing your thoughts or temptations so you can get help is a much more worthy revelation than your texted flirtatious words or pictures of your naked body. For us fallen humans, real, in-person relationships are necessary for healing and growth in holiness. Do not let phones or texting replace those relationships.
Pray for Alex, who denies the allegations being made of him. Pray for the victims. Pray that the truth may be revealed, and that everyone involved may have the wisdom to do the right thing going forward. Then put your phone down, and go love God and the people he has surrounded you with.