In this clip, Cy Kellett welcomes Tim Staples to discuss the challenges of Catholic teachings on contraception for couples considering marriage. Tim continues with details on how the nature of marriage calls for openness to life and the role of natural family planning in family planning decisions.
Transcript:
Caller: Hey, Tim and Cy. Let’s see. Long time Lutheran. I’ve felt I’ve been called to a Catholic church. But I feel like a stumbling block has been. I’m nearly 40 and my husband is in his 50s. And neither of us have ever felt the call to have children. And because of the contraceptives issues, I don’t know what to do.
Tim Staples: Right, right. Well, Kate, first off, I think it’s important for us to understand how it is that God calls us. Right. And one of the ways we know what we are supposed to do in a given situation is the law of God. And the law of God, of course, is communicated to us when it comes to the moral law. And in our very bodies, in our natures. As you know, Kate, St. Paul talks about this in Romans 2:15. He talks about the law of God written on our hearts. And so this is what we’re talking about when we talk about contraception, the nature of the conjugal act and so forth. So we are all called, if we’re called to marriage, to at least be open to life. Because that’s the nature of marriage itself. As it is written in our very bodies, the conjugal act. I’m probably not telling you anything you haven’t already heard. But the church has taught infallibly that the nature of the conjugal act itself is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. And the unity and mutual perfection of one man, one woman, in that permanent bond that we call marriage or holy matrimony. So if we’re called to marriage, we are called to be open to life and love. That’s the nature of marriage itself. So if you or I feel like we’re called to marriage but not called to be open to life, well, we’ve got our wires crossed. Because God is calling us to be open to life. Now, in Catholic teaching, there are situations in which, and I can tell you my own situation with my wife, where we had four children. And we had a lot of different things happen in our situation. Financially, medically, all sorts of things. To where we determined that. That we were gonna space our next children out. That was after number four, using what’s called natural family planning. Right? That’s when you. To use the old term, right, the rhythm of the woman’s menstrual cycle. To avoid having conjugal relations during those periods where she is fertile. Because we had a just reason to space children out. Now, of course, we weren’t real good at it. Cause our next three kids came even faster.
Caller: Did you do it backwards. Like, did you just.
Tim Staples: That’s right. The next three came faster. But the point is, there are reasons. There can be just reasons to avoid and willfully avoid getting pregnant in a marriage. And those reasons are varied. It can be intellectual or psychological, I should say. It can be physical. It can be financial. There are all sorts of reasons. But the underlying sort of substratum here. Right. The foundation that we cannot deny is the nature of the conjugal act that the church cannot change you and I can’t change. The nature of marriage itself is rooted in human nature itself, where man and woman are ordered toward one another with those two essential ends necessary, they constitute the conjugal act, that is the procreation and education of children and that unity and mutual perfection between husband and wife. So that’s kind of a deal breaker for us as Catholics. But I just wanted to mention the possibility of using natural family planning, especially when you get up in years later for the woman. Sometimes there can be problems medically to where having a child could be dangerous and that sort of thing where the spacing or even saying, you know what, we’re not going to have any more children due to this, that or the other. But does that help at all, Kate? And please follow up if you need some clarification.
Caller: No, it does. And I feel like I need to sit down with the father of the Catholic Church that I’ve been going to anyway for a plethora of questions, but this is a big one of mine.
Caller: Yes.
Caller: Because I’ve never felt drawn to have kids since I was like 13 years old. And I felt that especially in these days, you need to feel the need to have children. And neither of my has my husband.
Caller: Right.
Caller: But. And he’s not healthy. He’s in his older years.
Caller: Right.
Caller: But it just seemed like a, oh, you don’t want kids. You’re going to use condoms or not do things naturally.
Caller: Right.
Caller: It’s going to be a deal breaker, as you said. So it just seemed like a kind of scary thing to, oh, you don’t want to do this. Well, then you can’t be Catholic.
Tim Staples: Well, no, no. I mean, we can’t. There’s a certain sense in which, you know, I was telling Sy the other week, my wife and I recently went through worldwide marriage encounter weekend, and we’re doing a lot of. And in that encounter we had, you deal a lot with feelings. And you have to recognize that feelings are not immoral or moral. They’re just there. It’s what you do with feelings, because feelings Will come up passions, they’re there. We’re human beings, right? They come up, you can talk about them. They’re not morally right or wrong. But when a feeling arises that you then act on, that’s when we can make a moral evaluation. Is in the act, what are you acting towards? Right? What is the object chosen? The intention, the circumstances. Those are the three things that determine the morality of an act. So, you know, feelings are important. Boy, have I learned that in the last few months with my wife and I going to marriage encounter. But ultimately, and I think this is really important for you, Kate, we have to form our consciences in accordance with the teachings of Jesus Christ through his Church. So that if I feel like Jesus, I just feel like he’s not fully God and fully man, you know, it just doesn’t feel right to me. Well, okay, I have to form my conscience in accordance with the infallible teaching of the Church that has declared God is Trinity, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and the second person of the Blessed Trinity is incarnate, the Word is made flesh. And in the hypostatic union we have one person, two natures. See, we have to inform our consciences in accordance with the teachings of Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition as it is interpreted by the Magisterium. And the same is true of the moral law. We can have all kinds of feelings, Kate. We can feel like we wanna do this or feel like we wanna. But we say, wait a minute, is that contrary to the moral law? Right? You might feel, or someone might feel like running around on their spouse. Whoa, wait a minute. Nope, that’s called adultery. That’s contrary to the moral law. So we have to inform our consciences in accordance with the teachings of the Church, definitively taught. There’s no option here. Right. So I think that’s where we’re at, Kate, is. And I can tell you from experience in my own life, Kate, when I was on my odyssey to the Catholic faith, it was at that point for me, Kate, where I finally acknowledged that the Church is Jesus Christ extended into this world. That’s when it became, you know, a no brainer. There’s no longer an option for me. I must become Catholic. Because if I reject the definitive teachings of the Catholic Church, I am rejecting Jesus Christ in all of our journeys as Protestants as I was. You have to get to that place, just as you get to that place in your own conversion as a Protestant. When I was 10 years old, I had to get to the place where I believed in the Trinity. I believe Jesus Christ was God, and I gave my life to him as a result. We have to understand that Jesus has established a church, and the church is Jesus Christ, then extended into this world, so that when the church declares this, I form my conscience in accordance with the teaching. Why? Because Jesus said it in Matthew 10:40 if they hear you, they hear me. If they reject you, they reject me, referring to the church. And he’ll say it very plainly in many places. But one of my favorites is Matthew 18:15,18, right? Where Jesus says, basically, if you have a problem, if you’re struggling with something, ultimately you take it to the church, and the church has the final say. So these are all things to ponder. Kate, I pray that you’ll stay in touch because we would love to hear how things go.