Pornography is one of the most confessed sins in confession. Therefore, I will share some insights for penitents and confessors when it comes up.
How Should I Confess the Sin of Pornography? Applying Church Requirements
In confession, the Church requires that we confess each mortal sin that we can remember in kind and the number of times we committed it. If you intentionally viewed pornography in any form, you must confess that you viewed pornography and how many times. If pornography was accompanied by masturbation, you must confess that, too, along with the number of times.
Another item that must be included in our confession is any intention, factor, or circumstance that increases the sinfulness of the act we have committed. In the instance of viewing pornography, it would be necessary to mention anything about the material that increases the gravity of the viewing. For example, if the pornography was homosexual, then it would be necessary to mention this in the confession, as homosexual acts are contrary to natural law to a degree greater than are acts of fornication. This is necessary even if one viewed homosexual pornography that was not the same sex as the viewer, although whether this is the case ought to be specified in confession also. I hope this principle is clear enough that I need not specify each way that pornographic material in itself could be more grave. This principle also applies to circumstances surrounding its display, such as if the viewer viewed it with someone else or at the workplace.
One temptation for those who fall once is thinking, “I fell and I cannot get to confession for several days. I might as well do it again before I go to confession.” One problem with this, among others, is that it can easily turn into presumption of God’s mercy. If this temptation is given into, it should also be mentioned in confession.
What If I Try to Access Pornography but Am Unable?
One wise practice for those who struggle with pornography use is to install software on their devices that can provide filtering and accountability. Covenant Eyes is an example of this.
Sometimes people who install these products on their devices will be tempted to find a way around the filter. Here is the question: if we begin to sin, but are unable to carry out the act, are we guilty of the sin? Here is the answer: we become guilty of sin when we make an act of the will that is offensive to God. If a person commits to viewing pornography, then even if he is unable to do so due to the effectiveness of the filter, that an attempt was made to get around it should be confessed. However, if a person is tempted to work around the filter but decides of his own free will not to give into the temptation, then it is not sinful, and moreover, it is the virtuous act of resisting temptation. The difference may be hard to discern in this case, so mentioning it in confession is advised.
I Keep Confessing This Over and Over Again!
The Church requires for confession a sincere contrition for sins committed, a desire to sin no more, and a firm purpose of amendment of one’s life. Pornography is a sin that people confess repeatedly, and that can be discouraging. However, it is important not to despair and to keep going to confession. On a Catholic Answers Live call, a man who struggled with pornography and mentioned it in all of his confessions at the time spoke with Matt Fradd, who said,
In order to have the contrition needed for absolution, we do not need to twist our mind in such a way that we are convinced we will never fall again. We can confess that we have fallen to something, and so long as our will desires never to fall to it again, even though we may recognize that we likely will fall to it again, it is still a valid confession, and you are forgiven.
As long as a person who struggles with the same sin repeatedly truly desires not to sin again, that person can and must continue to bring those sins to confession and receive God’s mercy and forgiveness.
Some Tips to Make Confession More Effective, Plus Some Limitations of Confession
The following suggestions are not necessary for confession, but they are helpful tips to implement for both priests and faithful together who want to the sacrament of confession to be an impactful experience that truly inspires the penitent to make progress. First, Fr. Sean Kilcawley offers a series of questions that priests can ask penitents in confession to help them. Penitents who are not asked these questions can also volunteer this information when confessing the sin of pornography. The questions are as follows:
- How often do you fall into this sin in general?
- When was your first exposure to pornography?
- Are you speaking to someone outside confession at this time about this?
- Do you want to stop?
Another suggestion, which comes from my friend Fr. Allen Hoffa, is to offer the penitent the opportunity to make an appointment outside confession. This cannot be required for absolution, but it can be offered to the penitent as an option.
Although confession grants forgiveness of sins, confession alone is often not enough for someone with a habit to overcome pornography use. To make progress, it needs to be discussed with loved ones and possibly a therapist. The seal of confession is a gift, but if the person who has developed a habit of viewing pornography talks about it only in confession, the habit can remain a secret.
The sin of pornography thrives in shame and secrecy. Regular use becomes a vicious cycle of viewing pornography, feeling ashamed, going to confession, and eventually falling and beginning the cycle again. Although confession forgives the sin, this pattern can also make confession part of the cycle, as a tool the person uses to ease his guilt from the previous fall. This can be exacerbated if the person goes to confession to different priests so he doesn’t increase his shame by repeatedly confessing the same sins to the same priest. Having a priest as a regular confessor who also offers help outside of the confessional is much more helpful in healing from shame, being held accountable, and making true progress. Also, having people you trust in your life who know and are there to help is essential to the process of recovery from a habit of viewing pornography.
A Common but Dangerous Omission—Worth Mentioning in Confession If It Applies
One sin of omission that relates to the sin of pornography is when parents and Church leaders neglect, intentionally or not, to proactively address this subject with their children and with the faithful. We can assume this on the part of many parents, since the average age of first exposure to pornography is eight years old.
Parents, as the first and primary educators and protectors of their children, have the duty to make sure their children are protected from pornography on devices, to educate their children about pornography, and to encourage their kids to talk with them if they come across pornography. Also, Church leaders must equip parents in their preparation and follow-up of these conversations and occasionally address the topic publicly so that people know the Church is opposed to pornography but is also there to help those who struggle.
If you are a parent or church leader reading this, and you recognize that you have not been as proactive as you should have been, it may be worth mentioning in your next confession as you prepare to start those conversations.
Final Word: Persevere in Hope, Keep Going to Confession, but Talk About It Outside Confession, Too!
I hope this article had valuable insights for both priests and faithful for addressing pornography in confession. Due to the shame felt by pornography users, it can be difficult to discuss both in and apart from confession. However, it is a common struggle for people today. This does not reduce its sinfulness, but it should reduce any stigma around getting help. Many people who fall into a habit of pornography use do so because of woundedness, or to meet other needs. Pornography is a perfect example of the kind of problem that recalls Pope Francis’s vision of the Church as a field hospital.
Those who view pornography should go to confession, trusting in God’s mercy and recognizing that shame and the temptation to keep it a secret is from the devil. Priests regularly hear this sin, andthis article offers them some ways to make confession more impactful, along with insights to recognize when more must be done outside of confession.
For more information about pornography and talking about it, priests and parents should check out organizations like Covenant Eyes, Integrity Restored, and Road to Purity, which have more resources.