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Is it Always Sinful to Pursue a Childless Relationship?

Jimmy Akin

Jimmy Akin explains why certain circumstances can make it permissible for Catholics to pursue a childless relationship as long as they always remain open to any possibility of having children.

Transcript:

Host: We’ll go to Cody in Albuquerque, New Mexico, also listening on Immaculate Heart Radio. Cody, you are on with Jimmy Akin on open forum.

Caller: Howdy gentlemen, how are you today?

Jimmy: Good, thank you.

Caller: Okay, so my question has to do with Catholics who are not– Catholic couples who are not married to life for just purposes. Long story short, I’ll clarify quickly. Long story short, I’m considering having a relationship with someone who is a Catholic, but she doesn’t–she is dead set against having children because she had miscarriages for obvious reasons, although she’s gone confession and repented of those and yada yada. Me, on the other hand–

Jimmy: Wait a minute. Miscarriages aren’t sinful. Do you mean she had abortions?

Caller: No, she didn’t.

Jimmy: Okay, so just miscarriages. In that case, miscarriages are not sinful, unless she did something to induce them, which would have been abortion, then there’s no need to go to confession because of the miscarriage.

Caller: No no, I understand. But anyway, she is dead set against having children because she doesn’t want to have the trauma of another miscarriage, so she’s not open to life. Me, on the other hand, I have issues that I think would prevent me from having the skills to be a father, I’ve had experiences similar to that in the past, I don’t have the skills to be a parent, so therefore I’m wondering, if I was to consider a relationship with this woman, would that lead us to mortal sin, basically?

Jimmy: Okay. Well, I can’t speak to your situation in particular because I don’t have enough information. But I can sketch out the principles. If couples have special reasons, that are just, not to have children, either on a temporary basis or on a permanent basis, then that doesn’t create an impediment to them being validly married. Obviously, people who are past the age of childbearing get married all the time, and they’re not able to have children, so that’s obviously a just reason for not intending to have children, and so the mere intention not to have children does not pose an impediment to marriage. You can still be validly married even if you don’t have the intention of having children.

Now, suppose you are a person who’s past the age of childbearing, and you’re not intending to have children, and you get married, but if by some miracle you do have children, well you need to be open to that. In your case, and because we’re at the end of the show I wish I could go further but I can’t, in your case, if you and your intended both have valid reasons not to have children on an indefinite basis, then you could be validly married, but you need to retain the same openness to them that, if your situation changes, you would be open to them. If you’ve got the skills, if her medical situation cleared up, you would be open, and that’s unfortunately about the most I can do with it at the moment, but I hope that helps.

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