Sarah Swafford discusses the challenge of guarding children from adult content in a highly sexualized culture surrounded by technology and internet access.
Transcript:
Host: Sara, we go now to Katie in Santa Monica, California listening on Immaculate Heart Radio; Katie, you are on with Sara Swofford.
Caller: Hello Sara, I have a couple comments to what you’ve been saying. I’m really interested, because I have a 17 year old, and he’s been inundated ever since he was little with computers and cell phones; and I’m a single mom, and I wanted him to go to a Catholic school, especially when he was young, and usually Catholic schools–I hate to say it–aren’t in the best areas sometimes–sometimes, I should say.
So so my thing was, I have to give him a phone, and back then it was a flip phone, but as he grew older I couldn’t like take it away from him when the technology got, you know, data and all this internet access. And he actually, you know, through the years I tried as much as possible to control it, but it is one of the toughest things, especially when we moved–I, being a single mom I was laid off, I had, we had to move a lot–and he made new friends, and we moved to kind of a richer area, and even when I took the electronic devices away–like Xbox, because you can get on internet with Xbox and see bad things, and through the internet and watch so many things– his friends would give them just another Xbox because the other parents weren’t monitoring it.
So it’s like, you have to make your whole circle–unless you’re really in–which my brothers and sisters happen to do is keep their circle small, and keep, you know, kind of the people with the same belief systems all around them–it is that one of the toughest things, because your kid’s going to go to another friend, and they’re going to show him something that is inappropriate. So what I’ve tried to do immensely is guard him with knowledge, and even if he does look at these things, I had a chalkboard at one point, and I was–his friend came home and said “Oh, my aunt wants me to read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,'” and I’m like “What are you talking about? You’re in high school, why would you even want to read that as a boy?” And so I wrote how “50 shades of Gray” is a misuse of God’s beautiful gift on the chalkboard at home, and his friend came and saw it, and I just–I probably embarrassed the heck out of my kid but he needs to be armed with knowledge, and I think that’s the main thing about our faith. My son struggles with his faith, and I know he’s a great kid and I know he believes in God, it’s just, who knows when it’s going to actually take root, you know?
Host: Sara, how do you respond to that? That idea of preparing children with–I mean, it really is–I think Katie’s exactly right, the proliferation of screens everywhere and access everywhere is very difficult for parents, so how do you respond to that?
Sara: Well, and that’s the hardest thing, like exactly what Katie’s saying is, you might have a really good grasp on everything that’s going on–or as many things as we can, as parents, with our own kids–but we just definitely don’t have any control over what other parents are doing for their kids. And, you know, especially like she said, you know, at friend groups at school, you know, you don’t get to pick your kid’s friends at school. That’s something that, you know, it’s just who they’re running with, you know.
And so I think that it’s–it’s really hard, because I always want people to hear, you know, especially people that are listening, you know: we live in a social media texting world, and Snapchat–look, I mean, like that’s a whole ‘nother show, right, like another show for Snapchat, by itself. I mean we’re living in this world that–I mean, our phones are a part of us. They are not going away. And even as adults, we know that social media–I mean a lot of my college students, they’re all on, you know, Instagram, Facebook, almost even for, like–like almost for professional reasons, that’s where they’re getting interviews for jobs and things like that.
So I think we have to be real in the fact that we know we need to prepare our–you know, our kids for “the real world,” and what does, you know, what does that mean? That is a huge question and a huge bubble, you know, for like, what we’re preparing them for. And so I think that, you know, a lot of parents will say “Well, I want to make sure that they have a phone in junior high or high school, because they’re gonna eventually go to college and they’re gonna have all this access to it,” you know?
And I think that, while that’s true, I think we have to just remember, when you sit down and talk to a 12 year old boy or a 13 year old girl, you have to really get a feel for their maturity level, and what they can handle, and what–because in the end, you know, I get a very interesting vantage point; because as a speaker, you know, I come into a high school of 1200 students, I give my talk, and for weeks I get emails from students that–they open up, they bare their heart to me, because I’m not their mom, I’m not their dad, I’m not their youth minister, and they never have to see me again. And there’s like a lot of freedom in that, right? Because they’re like, “Well she gets it, she understands, what I’m going through; because of her talk, she knows where I’m where I’m at, and I’m gonna tell her everything I’m struggling with because I trust her; but I don’t have to–I don’t have to live with her, I don’t have to see her at youth group every Sunday.” Does that make sense?
So I have this very interesting vantage point, and the thing that the Holy Spirit seemed to breathe into my heart and speak into my heart is, we have to set them up so that there’s accountability and so that they know that–give them what they can handle, and not–you know what I mean? Like, not set them up to fail. And I think that, you know, sometimes, you know, your students, your kid, might be old enough to be okay with it, to be responsible with it, and it might be fine; but I have to be honest with you, you know, my Bible study group of women, when us moms sit around and talk, you know, it’s like–you know, we talked about it during the break, like the constant assault of material that is just so–I mean, you can’t even, I mean honest to God, you can’t even check the news; if you scroll too far down you’re like “Oh my gosh, what did I get into?” you know, like in movies and music everything is so sexual and so sensual, and, you know. And so I just can’t imagine being a young adult right now.
I always tell people, you know, I went through junior high, high school, college before social media and texting, and I was a hot mess and I didn’t even have a phone, you know. Like I can’t even imagine what they’re going through. And so I think maybe, just because everyone’s doing it or everyone has one, maybe that’s a conversation that you could have, like the way Katie was having with her son, and saying like, “I want what’s best for your heart, I want what’s best for your head, I want you to know the true, the good, and the beautiful, and I, you know, I want you to be able to call out what might stand in the way of that.” Or in my language, you know, “I want to know when I’m being used and I want to know when I’m using someone,” either emotionally or physically, I need to be aware of that, and I need to call that out and call a spade a spade, and sometimes phones just get us in a lot of trouble, because there’s just so much on social media and texting and Snapchat, and there’s just, it’s so much coming at us all at one time. And it’s very difficult, and I just, I pray everyday for parents out there fighting the good fight.
Host: Yeah, and it sounds like you’re saying, “Protect them as long as you can,” because it really is an assault.