Question:
Answer:
Given the fundamental nature of our sexual nature within our human nature (the two are so close as to be almost identical), there are few needs and desires, fears and hopes, pleasures and pains, that do not have some expression on the level of our sex, whether we are male or female. So it is not surprising, given the weakness of our fallen nature, that some things can become associated with our sexual nature that don’t in fact have anything to do with it in its healthy functioning.
To be sexually aroused by an object or activity that is not related to the union of male and female and the procreation of human nature is an indication of an imbalance, more or less grave depending on the individual, of a psychological and often moral nature. The key to upright sexual desire and pleasure is the personal good of the one with whom we engage in sexual activity. This one should be our lawful spouse of the opposite sex, and our sexual activity should be a sign of the recognition of our union as man and woman in a personal way. Abusive gestures or postures or clothing do not represent a true and free relation between the sexes; rather, they act out sexually other psychological aspects of the relationship of the sexes that suffer from the exaggerations and misperceptions of fallen human nature.
God told Eve, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will lord it over you.” This domination is not part of the complementary order of man and woman but rather an exaggeration of the man’s role, and an exaggeration of the woman’s. So, simply put, bondage, sadism, dominance, and masochism (BSDM) are abuses of the simple equality in procreation and union in licit pleasure that should belong to every legitimate human couple.
A Catholic who is tempted by these thoughts must first of all avoid all entertaining of them (most people would have little idea of these things unless they had found them online, for example) and meditate on the mysteries of the Lord’s own conception and birth and bodily life by praying the holy rosary. Our soul longs to be united to the incarnate Lord and his Blessed Mother. Their assistance and their bodily and spiritual struggles will give us the grace to resist our unruly thoughts and desires and teach us to love those to whom we are attracted and committed.