SORRY, BUT IT DOESN’T COUNT. Internet magazine carried this item about penance by modem:
“Committed a sin lately? Perhaps adultery, lust, or maybe just put a fish in the microwave oven. Not a problem.
Just use your [World Wide] Web browser [a program used on the Internet] to get to http://anther.learning.cs.cme.edu/priest/htmi, where the on-line Confession Booth will let you choose a sin and enter the number of days since your last confession. Press Enter, and moments later your penance appears, to the tune of ‘Lend the Shelter of Your Office to the Homeless’ or ‘Finish Your Thesis.’ Who said technology and religion are incompatible?”
Well, ahem, we will, sort of. They are incompatible at least in this way: This Confession Booth service just doesn’t “work.” Oh, we presume you can dial in, make your selections, and receive a reply, but there will be no spiritual benefit for your soul because absolution can’t be given this way. It also can’t be given over the phone, by letter, or in any way other than by personal confession to a priest. Of course, we presume this Confession Booth is a gag, but nowadays you just can’t be sure. Even Catholics are falling for the darnedest things, so, just to be careful. .
We all like conspiracy theories. Some people like them because they believe in them. The rest of us like them because we are amused by them. Conspiracy theories are cheap entertainment. One that rose to the top of our stack of research materials comes from a back issue of Baptist Biblical Heritage, a monthly newsletter edited by Bob L. Ross. His subtitle situates his publication in part: Standing for Historic Baptist Views of the Bible with Emphasis on the KJV Controversy. The part that the subtitle doesn’t explain is that Ross regularly attacks the Catholic Church and seems to have a fixation about blaming the success of the Church on what he terms “apostate” Evangelical groups
He accuses the Christian Research Institute, host of “The Bible Answer Man” program (see page 7 of this issue for a related story), of being a front for the Catholic Church. “A few months ago, we published a pamphlet on the pro-Romanism of the apostate Christian Research Institute of San Juan Capistrano, California. I do not know who supposedly owns this Institute, but I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to learn it is a tentacle of Rome. It operates as a parasitical organization in the name of exposing ‘cults,’ but its definition of a cult does not include the most ancient ‘Christian’ cult of all, Roman Catholicism. CRI ignores the cultism of the largest and oldest of them all, headed by a Pope who is supposedly capable of speaking ‘infallibly.’ If Rome is not a cult, then it is a misnomer to call any group a cult.”
Ross is astonished that an issue of the Christian Research Journal “actually printed a full-color portrait of the Pope on the front cover along with a 2-page full-color spread of the Vatican with three full-color ‘inset’ photos of the Pope. . . This cost CRI a ‘wad’ of $$$!”
Perhaps this is just professional jealousy, since Baptist Biblical Heritage uses only grainy black-and-white photographs. However that may be, Ross continues:
“As for CRI, you may ‘mark’ them as an apostate organization suspected of being either owned or greatly financed by Romanists and/or pro-Romanists parading as ‘evangelicals.’ If this suspicion is invalid, as some CRI apologists contend, then we invite CRI to furnish us with suitable documentation which will dispel this suspicion beyond reasonable doubt. From our perspective, there is no other logical, legitimate reason for CRI to justify an organization with the doctrine, practice, and leadership which are prevalent in Roman Catholicism. ”
Note his wording: “If this suspicion is invalid, as some CRI apologists contend.” Does this mean that other “CRI apologists” contend CRI is controlled by the Vatican? Are such people on CRI’s staff as apologists? If so, consider the ramifications! Note also that Ross himself will decide if CRI can come up with the “suitable documentation.” Of course, it can’t, because anything it produces Ross will reject as faked.
If it will help you get a better sense of the kind of man Ross is, consider a photograph he prints in his newsletter. It shows him standing next to a Church of Christ minister he debated. Both are smiling. Ross, a hefty, grayhaired man, is holding a BB gun to the other man’s head.
Ignorance of theology isn’t so bad if it isn’t allied with ignorance of diction. From the Tract Evangelistic Crusade of Apache Junction, Arizona come flyers identifying the late Pope Paul VI as the Antichrist. The anonymous author can’t even get papal designations correct — or maybe the problem is that he has trouble reading Roman numerals. In a tract titled Eight Popes Called Pope Paul, he refers to “Pope Paul One,” “Pope Paul Two,” “Pope Paul Three,” and so on. The first five “are the five kings that were fallen in Revelation 17:1011. They were the other five Popes before Paul Sixth that used the name of Pope Paul.”
Then comes “Pope Paul Sixth.” He was “Satan’s son and he was the number six king in Revelation 17:1011. And after the Rapture of all Born-Again Christians from the earth [ sic: incomplete sentence]. He will give the Mark of the Beast in Revelation 13.”
That holder of the See of Rome will be followed eventually by “Pope Paul Seven,” “who could take his seat in Rome Italy at anytime now.”
“Pope Paul Sixth will come back from the dead after the Rapture and he will then become Pope Paul Eight. But he was of The Seven, just as we read in Revelation 17. He will be the Last Pope of Rome Italy.”
Remember the Benedictine monks of the monastery of Santo Domingo de Silos, the ones whose compact disk recording “Chant” went to the top of the charts? Even though they were visited by the president of EMI Music, they turned down an offer worth $7.5 million. Abbot Clemente Serna explained that his monks, who sleep in austere, dark cells and rarely leave the monastery, were fed up with the media and tourist attention. They wanted to stick with prayer. “In our community,” explained the Abbot, “we operate under the principle of not needing, and, for that reason, money doesn’t bother us too much.” What a refreshing attitude for the clergy!
We’ve seldom had a paucity material for the letters-to-the-editor department of This Rock. Our problem usually has been that we have too many letters to choose from. Some groups seem not to be as lucky. We long have suspected that letters they receive are forced to do double duty or that they are conjured up out of thin air. Here are two letters appearing in the January and February issues of Challenger, the newsletter of Mission to Catholics International, which was founded and is headed by ex-priest who remain nameless:
“I am writing to get some tracts from you. I was reading Why Catholics Should Read the Bible. It is very impressive. I was a Catholic until a friend of mine told me about Valley Bible Baptist Church. My husband liked it the first time we went. He was already seeking. I was a little confused and felt guilty. I went back to mass one Sunday, but was convinced that there was nothing there for me. Ever since, we have been faithful at Valley Bible Baptist. We have not missed. We attend from 10-12 and from 6-7 every Sunday. I want the tracts to help bring our brothers and sisters to our church or to any church that will teach of salvation and the Bible. We are trying to win souls. (NM).”
That’s the first letter; it identifies the writer as from New Mexico. Here is the letter that appeared in the subsequent issue of Challenger:
“I was a Catholic until a friend told me about Valley Bible Baptist Church. My husband was already seeking for another church. He reads the Bible a lot and this was his opportunity. I was a little confused. I felt guilty, especially about not receiving Holy Communion. I went back to mass one Sunday, but was convinced that there was nothing there for me. Ever since, we have been faithful churchgoers. We attend from 10-12 a.m. and from 6 to 7 p.m. every Sunday. I would like to have any kind of tract that would help in trying to bring our family to our church or any church that will teach salvation and the Bible (NM).”
These letters are clearly from the same person, but they are clearly not the same letter. Draw your own conclusions.