I was born in 1940 in Sacramento, California. Ours was a pagan household. Although neither of my parents went to church, in his youth my dad had been a Catholic. He was even sent to a school that prepared young men for the priesthood. But he decided a priestly vocation was not for him, and when he immigrated to this country in 1920 he left his religion back in Czechoslovakia. Whether my mother was ever baptized I never thought to ask, but I do know she attended Catholic school for a while and she knew how to say a Hail Mary.
My first recollection of anything to do with religion was when I was eight years old. Our family moved to a new location hardly a block away, and a girl about my age moved into our old house. We began to play together. She asked me if I was a Christian. I didn’t know what the word “Christian” meant, so I said I didn’t know. Then she began to talk of the devil and hell. This was all new to me so I went home to ask my mother about it. She said, “Oh, those people are just a bunch of Catholics. They tell their children there’s a devil to scare them so they will behave.” That was my first introduction to Catholicism: something that scares children.
I don’t remember anything more about religion, God, or the afterlife until some time in the 1950s when the book The Search for Bridey Murphy was released. Our newspaper printed it a chapter at a time, and we all read it avidly. It was a story about a woman who seemed to remember a past life while under hypnosis. It was a very convincing account, at least to us.
From then on, my mother, my sister, and I believed in reincarnation. (My other siblings were a little too young to get excited about this new idea.) My dad would have none of it, and he said we were a bunch of knuckleheads, his favorite expression for us. But since he had no alternative to offer, we ignored him.
Many Christians might think the concept of reincarnation is off the wall, but if you consider what life is like when there is no Savior and no prospect of an afterlife in heaven, it makes a lot of sense. No one wants to think there is only this life and then oblivion. Reincarnation fills the gap for multitudes of people, including some ill-informed Catholics. For those who have no religion, a belief in reincarnation is definitely better than nothing because it brings a sense of accountability in one’s present life, and a hope for a future life; but for Christians it is retrogression—which I will explain further on.
Through my early married years in the 1960s, I did not have much time for religion or thoughts of God. I went through life on my own steam without praying to anybody for anything. Then in 1968, I read a book called The Sleeping Prophet about a seer named Edgar Cayce (pronounced KAY-see) (1879–1945). He was a devout Christian (a member of the Christian Church) who had psychic abilities. While in the trance state, he brought forth volumes of information that was recorded and made available for study.
Although early in his life Cayce did not believe in reincarnation, after spending some years giving “readings” for people, he began speaking of it in trance. He finally came to believe in it, and when people asked him (in trance) if they would have to come back again, he often said it would depend on whether they were under the law of karma or the law of grace. Karma is the Eastern term signifying the accumulation of “debts,” or what we would call sins, which must be “balanced”—an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. The only way one can remove this debt is to reincarnate over and over again and to try to live a perfect life. Coming back again in another body is a dreary thought, and this belief did have an efficacious effect on me as I tried to lead a better life.
During the 1970s I studied Eastern religions, reading the works of some of the East’s great thinkers such as Krishnamurti and Yogananda. I also began the practice of meditation. I spent a lot of time in the quiet asking God to guide me to truth.
All the while, I continued to study Edgar Cayce’s readings. While Cayce spoke a lot on Eastern ideas, he spoke even more about Christianity. He was the single most important influence that drew me to Christ. There were three things he said that had a profound effect on my life:
(1) Know what you believe and who is the author of your belief. I read this little one-liner many times as I studied Cayce’s words, and I began to give it much serious thought. What did I believe? I was pretty astonished to discover that my beliefs were either what my parents told me (Catholics scare their children), what my peers believed (mostly a lot of nonsense), or my own opinions (whatever served to justify my behavior). I had nothing of real substance to hang my hat—or my soul—on.
(2) Sooner or later, everyone must bend the knee to Jesus. Although I did not know it then, this statement is based on Philippians 2:9–10: “Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.”
Knowing nothing about the Bible or salvation history, I was shocked to read this statement, and it frequently popped up in the Cayce material. “Why on earth do I need Jesus?” I wondered. “Can’t I just pray directly to God?”
I simply had no knowledge of the forgiveness of sin as a free gift from God through Jesus Christ. For that matter, I did not even have a clear conception of sin, nor did I know about original sin. For this I must fault my parents, who did know these things but did not impart them to us children. They wanted us to find our own way in the matter of religion. But I do recall many times my dad shaking his head over our abysmal ignorance when occasionally we asked him a “stupid” question.
(3) Read the Bible if you would be wise, for in it are the words of eternal life. It was this third suggestion of Cayce’s that prompted me to begin the search that would answer my questions about Jesus. After reading this statement, I longed to study the Bible; I felt it would unlock truth for me. I tried reading it on my own a few times, but I always quit after the book of Exodus. It was too confusing.
In 1982, a friend invited me to a Baptist group, Bible Study Fellowship. I knew the Baptists were a “religious bunch,” but since I also knew they were really sharp on Bible study, I decided to brave the waters and attend. We studied the Bible seven days a week for nine months of the year, had classes and a lecture once a week, and had a fellowship luncheon once a month.
I was in my second year and attending the first luncheon when a woman said to me, “Jeannette, when did you get saved?” Even after a year with the Baptists, I didn’t know what the question meant. Embarrassed to admit I didn’t know what she was talking about, I said, “Oh, about five years ago.” I justified my lie by saying to myself, “Surely the study of the Cayce material for five years has saved me from something.”
The entire study lasted five years, and in that time I only missed one class (for jury duty). I learned a lot; the Bible was opened up for me. Most Catholics should be so lucky to have a program like this one.
Once I finished the Bible course I began to try, and usually have succeeded, to read the entire Bible once a year. Little by little I began to understand more about Jesus and the history of the Judeo-Christian tradition. Still, I did not join a church, even though as a student in B.S.F. I was required to attend church. I attended a Presbyterian Church for five years, but something always held me back from being baptized and joining. It just didn’t seem to be my church.
I still believed in reincarnation and didn’t fully comprehend the idea of total forgiveness of sins. I continued to meditate asking God to show me the way. Now that I had the Bible under my belt, I often received guidance in meditation on Bible verses, and my understanding of these verses increased.
After moving to Virginia Beach, Virginia in 1988, I went to work at the Association for Research and Enlightenment, the Edgar Cayce Foundation, as a librarian. While working there, I studied many spiritual disciplines. Cayce had information on everything: holistic health, the Bible, meditation, all religions, astrology, reincarnation, the search for God, and much more. There were also 60,000 books on related topics.
People came from all walks of life to the library for information. After several years, I began to get a sense of how Cayce was used by God to lead people to Christ. While he was living and giving readings, he (in trance) met the seekers where they were, no matter how far out the questions. He answered the questions asked, and then he often suggested they study the Bible, learn about Jesus, understand the law of grace, et cetera.
In 1996, after many years of working on Sunday, I was assigned a new schedule with Sundays free. I decided to see if I could find a church. I attended many churches for several months, even trying Christian Science. Nothing seemed to fit. One day in December, I had plans for the day and wanted to go to Church early. I did not know of one that had an early service, so my husband—a Catholic who had not attended church in ten years—suggested Mass.
The Mass swept me off my feet, and I fell in love with the Church on the spot. I knew that very day I wanted to join. My years of Bible study and my familiarity with the book of Revelation helped me to appreciate what was happening right before my eyes at Mass.
Although I knew without a doubt that I had found my Church, I also knew I was not in complete agreement with Catholic teachings. I decided I must talk with the pastor and reveal my true beliefs, even if it meant I would be refused entry.
When I met with the priest I told him that I wanted to join the Church. I then told him I was in agreement with all that I understood of Christian teachings except for two things. He raised his eyebrows and I continued.
“I believe in reincarnation.”
He didn’t bat an eye. “Oh, so do we, but we call it resurrection.”
Okay . . . we were still communicating, so I pressed on. “I believe Mary had several children, because the gospel says Jesus had brothers and sisters.”
“Oh, I like big families,” he answered and then proceeded to talk about families in general. That was it. I was not being refused, but I wasn’t exactly in the door yet either.
I asked if I could join the current R.C.I.A. group, but he told me it was too late. Week after week I attended Mass and wept at the thought of having to wait an entire year. Finally, just two weeks before Easter, I wrote an impassioned letter to the pastor and asked again to be able to join the current group. He must have decided I was serious, because I was baptized and received First Eucharist two weeks later at the Easter Vigil in 1997. I did have to wait for confirmation until 1998.
Right after my baptism and before I began R.C.I.A. classes, I was invited to a group that was watching a thirty-four-week video series on Catholicism by Scott Hahn. What a joy it was to have the Catholic faith explained to me in terms of the Bible and the Bible explained according to Catholic teaching. I think these lessons teach more about the Catholic religion than most people ever learn in an entire lifetime, mainly because few people delve into the Bible like Hahn has done. I watched the entire set twice and was clothed with a comprehensive understanding which would have taken me years to acquire on my own. I feel God blessed me with this gift because he knew of my deep desire to know the truth.
Even though I had been baptized, I did not have a full realization of what it meant until the fall classes. Then I learned that not only had original sin been erased, so had all my many sins from my pagan lifetime. When the enormity of this gift sank in, I finally realized that I no longer needed reincarnation. My debts had been canceled, as have those of all Christians who have been baptized and who regularly receive forgiveness through the sacrament of penance. Jesus’ death on the cross graces us with the purity and holiness we need to enter heaven if we will live by the precepts he taught and that the Church continues to teach.
We are under the law of grace; this is why I said earlier that for Christians to believe in reincarnation is retrogression. For anyone who has been forgiven, not only is it a huge step backward to believe one has to return in another lifetime to cancel old debts, it goes against everything the Christ taught about eternity. I never argue with my friends who believe in reincarnation. But my sins have been forgiven, and I have no need to come back to this earth.
Another gift that came to me in 1997 was a comprehensive book on Catholic apologetics. I did not know such books existed. There I found the explanation about the Catholic position on the Blessed Mother. I learned that the “brothers and sisters” of Jesus were actually cousins, and the relevant Bible passages were explained. I also learned that even the early Protestant reformers believed that Mary was ever-virgin. It was only later when people began their own interpretations, without regard to the traditions of the Church, that these errors crept in.
I even discovered in my daily Bible reading another reference that was not in the apologetics book. In 1 Chronicles 6:33–43 (KJV) or 1 Chronicles 6:18–28 (NAB), two men, Heman and Asaph, are described as brothers. Their genealogies, however, are completely different until one goes back many generations to a common ancestor, Levi. My second disagreement with the Church evaporated.
I feel especially blessed because I am now able to accept all the Church teaches. I have no arguments and no ax to grind. I know there are a lot of Catholics who protest one teaching or another, but I also know they are on very unstable ground. They are using their own opinions as their source of belief, just as I used to do. There is a sense of strength and peace in being at one with Christ and his Church.
Now I know what I believe and what is the source of my information: the Church magisterium and the Bible. I know why sooner or later everyone must bend the knee to Jesus. There is simply no Savior in any other religion, no heaven from any other source, no forgiveness of sin from anyone other than Jesus. I continue to immerse myself in the Bible, because only there does one truly find the words of eternal life.