An Inexplicable Love
I was on call at a hospital. Steven, the man who had raped me years earlier, had been in and out of prison, but I thought maybe it was someone else in the hospital with the same name. When I went into the room I recognized him right away.
He had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and appeared to be asleep. His face was hollow, and his eyes were closed. I walked over to the window and faced him. He turned his head toward me and opened his eyes. When he saw me, he looked terrified. As weak as he was, his body jumped, he was so startled. I think he must have believed that, at that instant, he was dead and was looking at one of his victims. I said, “Hi.”
Steven had subdued not only me that night, but also the Unitarian minister, Sam Johnston, who was with me. Sam believed he could rehabilitate people like Steven. I hadn’t wanted to be there. I was afraid of Steven from the first moment I saw him.
I said, “Sam died.” Steven appeared genuinely upset to hear this. I think he really cared for Sam. I told him how Sam had died in a fall ten years ago.
“I’m saved,” he told me.
“Me, too,” I told him.
He was dying. He was alone, and I knew I had to begin to forgive him. I felt the most difficult words, which I knew I had to say before he died, come to my lips. Unbelievably, especially to myself, I said, “I love you.”
Pathetically, Steven said, “I love you, too.”
He was gone a few days later. I never returned to the room after that. I had done what I was supposed to do and didn’t feel drawn back to face him again. I knew I would never regret these words which came from the Father, and I haven’t, but I have been concerned about what others would think of me if they knew what I had said to him. Now I hope, if I’m condemned by others for being raped and for genuinely forgiving my assailant, those who judge me will keep it to themselves. I won’t fight them over it. By the sheer grace of God, I mysteriously found love for this man as Christ has loved me. I may never know why it was allowed to happen this way.
I don’t think I could do the same thing today, honestly. I take no pride in it, certainly, nor do I really understand how or why I said to this criminal words that one reserves for a spouse, family, and friends.
There was something about the role I was in, though, and the work I was called to do at the time, and the integrity of our faith which I recognized had to be acted out at Steven’s bedside. That was why I was there.
Carrie Toth
Patient Cultivation
Fresh from returning to the faith from Evangelicalism myself during college (thanks in part to Catholic Answers), with the words of the apologists still ringing in my ears, I met one of the more fervent members of an Evangelical congregation with which I had frequent contact. She was an adult convert to Episcopalianism and had an ecumenical approach to the Catholic Church.
Perhaps God had been preparing her, for she was already a student of Teresa of Avila. This provided a spring-board for conversation, and whenever the opportunity arose, I shared with her about the Catholic faith, often in response to the many earnest questions she asked me over time. I never used the “hard sell” or high-pressure approach.
Not evident to me was the fact that the peaceful but persistent drip, drip, drip of my witness was gently resculpting the landscape of her heart. From outward appearances, it appeared she merely saw Catholicism as one option among many equally legitimate options. To my surprise, after several years of friendship, she announced that after much prayer she was now convinced that the Catholic faith was true and she would be received and confirmed. I was so incredulous I urged that she not make a hasty or ill-formed decision. While the step appeared sudden to me, she had been considering it for some time-and attributed a great deal of credit to my persistent witness.
She is now happier than ever in the Catholic Church and frequently expresses her gratitude to me for bringing her to the one true Church of Christ. This change didn’t require any argument or debate, just faith expressing itself patiently through Christian love anointed by the Holy Spirit’s grace.
Eric Ewanco
Multiple Mormons
I have just concluded my own “Catholic/Mormon Dialogue.” What a rush! Thank you very much for your tips—especially about letting the Holy Spirit do his job. Instead of five Mormons, only three came tonight. My Presbyterian friend was also here, observing our discussions. Still, at the beginning, I felt very outnumbered. But the Holy Spirit was here all the time, helping me through. (Now I know how the Israelites felt when God commanded them to fight their seemingly undefeatable opponents.)
We started the evening with Catholic Answers’ “Catholic/Mormon Dialogue” video tape, which they did not expect at all. They called it “very informative,” and it helped us settle a number of doctrinal issues that are difficult for us to explain. The three of them expected just to provide their testimony for leaving the Catholic Church and joining the LDS Church. We ended up talking for over three hours.
After hearing their reasons for joining the LDS Church, I can stand with you in deploring the state of catechesis in America today. As I expected (despite their claim otherwise), they did not know much about what the Catholic Church really teaches. They had misconceptions on the Trinity, purgatory, the Eucharist, etc. I believe we have to recatechize every Catholic in this country. Our Mother Church cannot afford to lose more members just because they never get a basic explanation of what the Church teaches.
I played defense just about the whole time. However, when they argued that the “disunity” within Christianity is one of the signs of an “apostasy,” I quickly pointed out that there are Mormon sects, such as the Reorganized Church, that claim apostasy struck the LDS church. They couldn’t give a reasonable rebuttal for that. I also quoted Matthew 16:18, reiterating Christ’s promise that his Church would not be overcome. Again, they could not give a satisfying answer.
They said that one of the reasons why they left Catholicism is that the Church allows us to drink (they believe that the Word of God condemns drinking). Furthermore, they were disgusted (as am I) about so-called Catholic fraternities and sororities that do nothing but get drunk on weekends.
Concerning the drinking of alcohol, I asked, “Why did Jesus change the water into wine at Cana if he disapproved of it?” They responded saying that the wine they might have drunk back then was distilled wine instead of the regular wine we get today. After thinking about it, I still don’t get their point. I also told them about Paul’s advice to Timothy that he drink wine for his stomach ailments. As for their gripe about certain Catholics abusing alcohol, I responded with Sheen’s argument: “The problem with Catholicism isn’t Catholicism. The problem with Catholicism is Catholics.”
My new LDS friends (all three are former Catholics) are very staunch in staying Mormon; they believe that they have found the truth. They explicitly told me that they are not going back to the Catholic Church. I hope the Holy Spirit helped me to plant the seed of truth in their hearts. I’m sure that they’ll come by sometime and give me the Book of Mormon. I asked them to give me the King Follett Discourses as well, as explained in the “Mormonism’s Doublethink” tract.
I intend to get Isaiah Bennett’s tapes now (they were going to give me a tape about a convert to Mormonism from Catholicism). In addition, they were going to lend me a book titled What Mormons Believe; in response, I offered them What Catholics Really Believe. Talk about a tennis match! This happens to be the very first time I have really defended our Church, and I truly believe that this dialogue was planned by God. However, I have a lot of work to do to become competent.
Vincent Arong
12-Stepping
Proselytizing is forbidden in all “Anonymous” groups—but there is no rule against sharing one’s own experience. Whenever I talked in meetings, I always mentioned my Catholicism in a natural way: confession when discussing the fifth step (“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”); praying on my knees before the tabernacle when I was having trouble surrendering to God’s will; the value of obedience for those trying to learn humility.
I wasn’t trying to convert anyone. My 12-step program was integrated with my Catholicism, and I just presented it that way, neither making a big deal of it nor apologizing for it.
We never know what seeds we plant when we share our faith. Over several years, I was surprised and grateful to see three “agnostics” from my 12-step meetings enter the Church and one lapsed Catholic return. I’m sure I’m not the only Catholic who could have influenced them. But what if I were and I had let embarrassment or “sensitivity” keep me silent?
Name Withheld