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F e a t u r e A r t i c l e
An Easy Way To Wow Listeners
By Errol C. Fernandes
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This Rock
Volume 11, Number 9
 September 2000 
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These days, it seems some Catholics don’t speak English any more. Now they talk theology. And those who don’t know the language feel marginalized (that’s left out, to you and me). But despair not—help is at hand in the form of our new Theological Zappword Generator. If you can string together the right combination of impressive-sounding words, you can pass yourself off as one of the cognoscenti.
We have provided a Theological Zappword Generator comprising three columns of 20 words that can generate no less than eight thousand (yes, 8,000!—derived, for those of you feeling mathematically marginalized, by multiplying 20 by 20 by 20) sets of Zappwords with which to zap your audience. Whether you’re a speaker, a cocktail-party theologian, or a street-corner apologist, injudicious use of the TZG will leave listeners spellbound and establish you as a cutting-edge theologian.
All you have to do is string together a chain of three words, taking one each, at random, from column A, then column B, then column C. Such a set of three words forms one Zappword. For example, you could choose 11.A, 8.B, and 1.C, and flourish a "radical contextual paradigm" that would "zap" listeners and immediately proclaim you, with eclat, as one who is with it.
Of course, no one (not even you) will know what you are talking about. But that doesn’t matter. As some would say, isn’t that what it’s all about(")
A------------------------- B------------ ---------------- C
1. informed--------- participative--------- paradigm
2. authoritative---- situational----------- consensus
3. relevant--------- magisterial----------- involvement
4. deliberate------- collegial------------- dissonance
5, moderated-------- minimalist------------ objection
6. conscientious---- covenantal------------ dissent
7. limited---------- communitarian--------- ecclesiology
8. mature----------- contextual ------------ model
9. sensitized------------- social------------ office
10. responsible------ authoritative-------- eschatology
11. radical---------- syllogistic----------- synthesis
12. authentic-------- homiletic------------- syncretism
13. inculturated----- hermeneutic----------- irenicism
14. prophetic-------- dialectical----------- koinonia
15. fundamental------ incarnational--------- metanoia
16. allegorical------ pneumatological------- dimension
17. codified--------- substantive----------- kerygma
18. ontological------ experiential---------- exegesis
19. holistic--------- metaphysical----------- liberation
20. definitive------- synergistic----------- praxis
Note: "Zappword" and the acronym "TZG" are proprietary nomenclatures protected by copyright. Their use, except for editorial reporting and under franchise agreement, is prohibited and punishable by a forced master’s degree in sacred theology at the "progressive" academic establishment of our choice.
Errol Fernandes writes from Bombay, India, where he works as a communications consultant. He is active in apologetics and India's pro-life movement. He writes frequently for Indian Catholic publications.
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