|
F e a t u r e A r t i c l e
SLASHY
By RUSSELL L. FORD
|
|
|
|
Apologetics and evangelization are not always debate and fireworks. Sometimes all that is required is a little love, understanding, and a simple presentation of the faith. Indeed, in Alabama prisons that is more often the case. Many men in prison have no idea who Jesus is or what he did for us. They have never heard the gospel message, never been taught Christian morality, never learned enough about themselves even to be interested.
In previous articles I have poked good-natured fun at our Southern friends from the heart of Dixie, but the fact is that these are good people with simple values important to us all. Unfortunately, Alabama's prisons consist of a population that neither represents the goodness of the people, nor their intellectual abilities. A number of prisoners-perhaps as many as forty percent-have IQs that fall below the national average, and many are (using the politically correct term) intellectually challenged.
What do you do with a thirty-year-old man who cannot read and has the mind of a child? He, too, requires Christ's redemptive acts for the benefit of his soul, assuming he has the ability to reason. But most of us shy away from such people. We feel uncomfortable with them. By avoiding them we act as God, deciding for them that they don't need Jesus.
Bubba and I have had to learn how to cope with sharing the Catholic faith with such people, and this story is about one such individual. Our friend's name is Slashy. As I've written before, penitentiary handles reflect some characteristic of the man. By the looks of his name, obviously Slashy isn't in prison for picking flowers, singing too loud in choir, or violating curfew.
Slashy, as we say in prison, ain't nothin' nice. Our friend, who has been in prison since he was sixteen, is a sight to behold. Slashy's six-and-a-half foot, two--hundred-eighty-pound frame is accentuated by ripples of muscle that look like carved stone. He shaves his head in order to proudly display the swastika tattoo that covers most of his dome, although he has no idea what it represents. (The convict who tattooed him convinced Slashy that the tattoo would gain him respect in the penitentiary and the admiration of the parole board, which is composed of a woman, a black, and a Jew.) Adding to the aura of this scary specter we call Slashy is his low brow, dimmed eyes, and the fact that his speech is almost monosyllabic.
Slashy is not the sort of person one would like to meet in a dark alley. I don't know of a single man who would willingly take Slashy on in combat. Most folks would consider me a mountain of a man, but about the only way I could hurt Slashy would be the damage inflicted by a frightened Buckethead trying to get away from him once he grabbed me. Needless to say, everybody treats Slashy with absolute kindness. Bubba and I were on our best behavior, then, the day Slashy came into my cell seeking favors.
Buckethead: Bubba! What are you doing back so soon? I thought you were going to go take care of some business.
Bubba: Ah wuz, but Ah had ta duck in here fer a minit. Ah seed Slashy comin' down this away, sos Ah got somewhar.
Buckethead: Why would you hide from Slashy? He never bothers anybody, unless they bother him.
Bubba: Heck, Bucket, Ah did bother 'im, but it were a mistake. Ah wuz eatin' me some sunflowery seeds an' spittin' the hulls, when the wind caught one as Slashy wuz walkin' bah. It hit 'im smack in the face. Big ape commenced ta chasin' me all o'er the place. Ah thought Ah wuz a dead man.
Buckethead: Bubba, you should be more careful. The whole thing . . .
Slashy: Buckethead!
Buckethead: Hi, Slashy. We were just talking about you. What can I do for you?
Slashy: Slashy hungry. Want food. Seen Bubba come here. Want stuff he don't eat. He spit it out at Slashy.
Bubba: (voice cracking) Ah'm sorry, big rap. Ah didn't mean ta spit them hulls on ye.
Slashy: Slashy not mad 'bout that. Slashy mad 'cause you selfish. Slashy try to catch you to eat that stuff you spit out at Slashy, but you run away.
Bubba: Ya mean ya wuzn't gonna shup me?
Slashy: Slashy like Bubba. Slashy just hungry. Feed me.
Bubba: Them wuz sun flowery seeds, Slashy. Ah got no more o' 'em. Sorry.
Slashy: Next time you share with Slashy. Buckethead, Slashy hungry. Feed me.
Buckethead: Slashy, I want to talk to you first. Let's talk, okay?
Bubba: Is ya crazy?! Jus' feed the gomer!
Buckethead: I intend to, Bubba. Settle down. Slashy, if you'll have a talk with me, I'll give you a pack of cookies and a cup of coffee when we're through. Okay?
Slashy: Okay! Slashy like Buckethead!
Buckethead: I like you, too, Slashy. You wanna put me down? I can't breathe with you holding me, and that makes it hard to talk.
Slashy: Okay, Buckethead. Slashy sorry. What you wanna talk about?
Buckethead: I want to talk to you about your soul.
Slashy: What zat?
Buckethead: Slashy, have you ever wondered what makes a bird or a blade of grass alive?
Slashy: What do, Buckethead?
Buckethead: The thing that makes birds and grass and all livings things alive is called a soul. It's not anything you can see, sort of like the air we breathe, but it's still there. And when the soul leaves the bird or grass they die.
Slashy: Does Slashy gots a soul too, Buckethead?
Buckethead: Yes, Slashy, you do. But your soul is much, much better than the soul of a bird or a blade of grass. The reason your soul is better is because God made your soul to be like a picture of him. Because your soul is like a picture of God's, Slashy, it will never die.
Slashy: Slashy never die? You promise, Buckethead?
Buckethead: Your body will die some day, Slashy, but your soul will live forever. Your soul is what makes you aware of things, Slashy. Even though your mouth is talking and your ears are listening, it's actually your soul that makes you participate in this conversation. Everything you're aware of your soul is aware of too. And your soul will never die, even after your body does.
Slashy: Where it live?
Buckethead: That depends, Slashy. God created your soul so you could know him, love him, and serve him. If you spend your life knowing, loving, and serving God then he will take your soul to a beautiful and perfect heaven to live with him forever when your body dies. But if you don't love and serve God he will send your soul to a place called hell, which is a place of fire. A soul that goes to hell will burn forever, but it will never die nor burn up the way a log does. It's a terrible place of everlasting pain. Which would you rather do, Slashy, go to heaven and live happily forever with God or go to hell and live forever in fire.
Slashy: Slashy wanna go to heaven! How I go?
Buckethead: Well, God came to earth in the form of a man, and his name is Jesus. When you do bad things like hurt people or take things that aren't yours (the sorts of things you've already done), that causes God to send you to hell. Somebody had to make up for the bad things we do that hurt God, so Jesus paid the price by giving his life. But before he gave his life, Jesus created the Catholic Church and told us what to do to go to heaven.
Slashy: What Slashy gotta do?
Buckethead: Jesus tells us there are six real important things we have to do. The first thing he told us is we have to be baptized. Do you know what that is? Good. Baptism washes all the bad things from our souls so we can be worthy of heaven. The second thing is called confirmation. That's a way that Jesus gives us his Holy Spirit in a special way when a priest or bishop lays his hands on you and says, "Be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit." Confirmation helps you to be strong and to avoid doing bad things that hurt God. The third thing he told us to do is to confess to a priest the bad things we do that hurt God if we do them after we're baptized. Jesus, who is sort of inside the priest, forgives the bad things when we tell them to the priest. The fourth thing he told us is that we have to pray to God. We can't know or love someone if we don't talk to him, so Jesus told us to talk to God. We call that prayer. The fifth thing Jesus told us is, we have to do what his Catholic Church tells us to do. He said that the Church would speak for him until the end of the world, so obeying the Church is obeying Jesus.
Slashy: Slashy can do all that! Wanna now!
Buckethead: Hold it, Slashy! There's still one more thing Jesus said we've got to do to go to heaven. He said we have to make his body live inside of us so we can live with God.
Slashy: How Slashy do that?
Buckethead: Well, Jesus said we have to eat his body to go to heaven, and the night before he died he showed us how this would be done. He says that when a priest at our worship service holds the bread and repeats Jesus' words, "This is my body," that the bread turns into his body, but it continues to look and taste like bread. Then the priest gives us Jesus' body to eat so we can go to heaven.
Slashy: Okay! Slashy wanna do it, Buckethead. Can I? Huh?
Buckethead: Sure, Slashy. We'll talk to the priest when he comes back on Saturday. Then he'll probably set it up for you to be baptized two weeks later.
Slashy: Oh, boy! I like that, Buckethead! You my pal! You my buddy! Oh, thank you, Buckethead! Slashy love Buckethead!
Buckethead: (strained voice) Great, Slashy. Now put me down. I can't breathe.
Obviously I have exaggerated Slashy's intellect (or rather lack thereof) in order to make a point, but it serves well to show you that evangelizing those of our less-gifted brothers and sisters should not be a dreaded chore. Rather, it is to be a welcome and anticipated gift of God, much like bringing a child in the world.
The catechesis Slashy received was the total sum of his instruction. Indeed, I've had to be that basic with several of the men. Of course, Slashy will have to have that same catechesis given on a repeated basis until he can explain it himself, but what he received is the best he can handle. I wonder how things will work out when I debate the Rite Reverend Doctor Elder Johnny Lee again and Slashy is present. (Hee-hee!)
Russell L. Ford is an inmate in an Alabama prison, where he engages in apologetics work
|
