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QUESTION:
How do you know if a guy loves you or if he wants to use you?
ANSWER:
If you ever want to know if a guy loves you, apply the love test. Here's how it works. I know a young woman who applied this love test on a first (and last) date with a particular guy. He made certain suggestions as to his intentions for the evening but she informed him that she practiced chastity. He responded, "That's okay. We can do other stuff" (implying everything short of intercourse). She proceeded to give him a crash course in the definition of chastity, and he responded, "So you mean that I'm not going to get anything?"
He sounded like an eight-year-old boy having a tantrum because his mother wouldn't buy him a Lego set. His request coupled with the childish reaction shows that he had no idea what he was asking for. He assumed that buying her dinner should more than suffice to gain him access to the priceless treasure of her body. This is the blindness that comes with an irreverent attitude towards sex.
What this young woman did wasn't easy, but it was much easier than dating the guy for six months before realizing that he loved pleasure more than he loved her. Because she practiced the virtue of chastity, she saw through the manipulation that some people use to get others in bed. She knew that if a guy pressured her to give him her body, then he didn't love her. Because of a woman's great dignity-she is made in the image and likeness of God-she deserves authentic love. She must never allow herself to be used or treated as a thing. Her body is priceless in the sight of God, and her heart is to be treasured.
Although this love test will weed out a lot of immature guys, only time will reveal a man's intentions. One man said, "If I sensed there was a moral dilemma in her mind, I would play any role necessary to reach the point where sex became inevitable."i There are many good guys out there but there are also plenty of predators who will tell a girl whatever she wants to hear. Therefore, a girl needs to proceed slowly, develop the skill of listening to her heart, and have the courage to follow it. Otherwise, a young woman may be left feeling as this fifteen-year-old did: "I felt strange, and in a sense, used. It was like we were both caring for the same person-him. I felt left out of it."ii
i McDowell, op. cit., p. 110.
ii As quoted in lovematters.com, p. 5. Taken from Boyfriends: Getting Them, Keeping Them, Living Without Them by Joyce L. Vedral, Ph.D. New York, Ballantine Books, 1990.
This question and answer taken from Jason Evert's book If You Really Loved Me. For more great chastity Q & As, order your copy of his book today.
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